Tag: reflection

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Habits I’ve Started

Bouncing off of last week’s post on getting back into yoga, I made a list of commitments to myself at the start of this year that have stuck around through the first month of 2022. These habits aren’t necessarily new ones that I am embarking on for the first time. Actually, none of these are. They are habits that I once had, but lost due to the highly unusual last several years we have all experienced together.

Closing Activity Rings

If you’re not an Apple Watch owner, this probably doesn’t mean anything to you. Closing the rings on your Apple Watch simply means that you have met your daily goal to stand, move, and exercise. I have modest goals set on my watch, but it’s surprising how often I have spent weekends completely immobile. While time to vegetate and rest is absolutely crucial, I know that I need to move during the day to combat that guilt that is always paired with rest. Giving myself the attention and love that I need includes taking care of my physical body.

Not Eating Out (as much)

I am and have always been someone who eats out often. A huge part of my budget is allocated to meals at restaurants. This probably comes from my upbringing as a restaurant baby. My parents never spared expenses when it came to eating out. I carried this energy onto being an adult, and for years I have been living alone and just ordering take-out or eating out most days a week. Obviously this means that the money I earn doesn’t stay with me. This has caused me to feel behind when it comes to meeting financial goals. I also found that eating out did not necessarily bring me joy. Restaurant food is not always unhealthy, but preparing my own food ensures that I am giving myself what I need to be healthy. I started this habit during the last few months of 2021, and it has stuck! I have learned to cook so many delicious things, and have really begun to enjoy making my own food and sharing it with my partner.

Vacuuming

It’s not what it looks like. I vacuum! For most of the time I have been living alone I vacuumed at least once every 2 or 3 days if not every day. There were times where I fell behind on vacuuming during depressive episodes. As many long-time friends and readers know, I have three pets. We live together in a fairly small one-room apartment here in South Korea. All three of my animals shed all year round. Before permanently adopting my cat, Butterscotch, vacuuming every 2 or 3 days was perfectly fine. It would get a bit dusty if I leaned toward the 3 day mark, but it would be manageable. After adopting Butterscotch, it was like I suddenly had 5 dogs. My cat is a short hair, but he sheds constantly. I discovered, last year, that I needed to step up my vacuuming in order to feel happy in my home. I now vacuum at least once a day, but most days it’s two or three times a day. It has done wonders for my mental health, and my pet’s happiness as well.

Slow Wake Ups

Lastly, with a little more sleep, I have been able to wake up early and a little more gradually. I have started using an alarm that starts low and gentle and gradually wakes me up. It has helped me come out of sleep much less violently and has helped me start the day with a little more elevated of a mood. Giving myself time to slowly wake up, check messages, pet the dogs and cat a little bit, and doing a good stretch or meditation has made such a positive impact. Here’s a wake up meditation from Yoga with Adriene that I listen to often as I get up to start my day!

If I’m feeling especially energetic and ambitious, here’s a quick 5 minute yoga practice to get the blood flowing that I have also worked in!

I hope this has given some of you guys some ideas on starting small and reasonable goals to help you out of any COVID-19 fatigue or depressive episode you might be experiencing.

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Getting Back into Yoga

At the start of 2022, I did my best to be gentle about my goals and aspirations. I know how damaging it has been for me to set big goals and fail miserably at them. I went into 2022 with the idea that I wanted to get reacquainted with healthy habits that I dropped at the beginning of the pandemic. I wanted to be realistic and take a slow approach to it.

I carefully approached re-integrating yoga into my life during my winter vacation. I made it a goal to touch down on the mat once a day. I did really short practices alongside Yoga with Adriene. She has practices in so many time ranges. I started with 15 minutes and just starting slow and easy was key!

I started her MOVE – 30 Day Yoga Journey a little late, but I am now over halfway through it. It’s my third 30 Day yoga journey I have done through this YouTube channel, and it has really helped me feel like I am sharing energy with other people. I have missed going to yoga classes in-person so much, and this has been a great substitute.

For 30 minutes every day, I focus on myself and how my body and mind feel. I check in with the physical sensations that I have and how they are serving me. I give time and attention to the parts of the physical body that need it the most. The half hour I spend in yoga practice serves as a break for my mind. By focusing on my body, breathing and movement, I am not ruminating or overthinking. It’s the quietest my head is for the entire day. It’s temporary, but it helps me feel so powerful. It reminds me that I can step away from the thought spirals and just be with my physical body and experience the physical sensations of living.

I am hopeful that I will finish this journey, even if there are hiccups along the way. Setting time aside to practice has been such an uplifting experience this month. I maintain that yoga is one of the best forms of exercise to do for anyone. There are so many adjustments and variations that one can do to fit your physical needs and fitness level. You can do it at your own pace. You can do it alone or in a class. Best of all, a good yoga teacher will gently encourage you to set and realize your goals on the mat.

I highly recommend trying yoga out, my dear friends. It doesn’t have to hurt. It doesn’t have to be hard. Even if you’re not keen on physical exercise, try out some of the meditations!

This video below has been one of my favorite tools to help me ground myself during anxiety attacks. A brief search through her channel will reveal many more meditation videos!

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Late Night Thoughts: New Bed, New Me

Over the last year, I have been struggling immensely with sleep. I have always struggled with sleep, but this year has been especially taxing. I use my Apple Watch to track my sleep patterns and noticed a steady trend of sleeping about 4 hours a night. On good nights, I can squeeze in 5 hours.

Lack of sleep left me feeling exhausted and miserable. I was obsessed with sleep but couldn’t stay asleep.

Well? All of that has changed as of 2 weeks ago. I invested in a new mattress. I know, this is something simple that every adult should invest in. However, most of the company housing that I have lived at has provided me with a bed. I usually deal with the bed no matter how much discomfort it gives me. I never realized the importance of a mattress that meets my needs. I was always just grateful to have a bed that I didn’t have to buy.

However, I have been slowly getting more and more comfortable with the idea that I will likely not leave Korea and that I can start putting down a few roots (in the form of a bed). I guess this post is more of a celebration of finally admitting that I have found a place that I feel at home in.

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Psychosomatic Symptoms

For as long as I can remember, I have not felt 100% physically. I honestly can’t remember the last time that I felt energetic, happy, and healthy. I have definitely felt one or two of those things, but I can’t remember the last time I felt all three.

For a while, I searched for a physical reason why I physically felt so crappy. It wasn’t until I was in my late 20s that a doctor looked into my mental health as a reason why I felt the way I felt. Here are some of the ways that physical symptoms crop up when I am experiencing depressive or anxious episodes.

Headaches/Migraines

I started experiencing headaches and fogginess during high school. I admit that I didn’t have great attendance during that time of my life. I missed the absolute maximum number of days that I could without seeing my grades suffer. I couldn’t really explain why I felt sick so often, but there were so many days where I felt like I couldn’t possibly lift my head up from my bed. A general heaviness in my head that caused a bit of fogginess and confusion plagued my years of high school. Once I ran out of missed days to burn, I would force myself to go to school completely dissociated. Outwardly, I displayed a chipper and happy-go-lucky persona. Inwardly, I couldn’t feel much. Everything felt like an act that I was doing on autopilot. I didn’t have the vocabulary to advocate for myself. I didn’t have the awareness to admit that I was depressed.

I became intimately acquainted with migraines later on in high school and during university. They would hit me at the end of a long day. It was almost as if the migraines served as an anchor to bring me back to Earth from a day of dissociation. They were horrible. They were likely brought on by a lack of sleep, dehydration, and hunger. All of those things a result of depression.

Stomach Issues

I have always described my gut as “sensitive.” I have very real and very physical reactions to anxiety. Feeling “butterflies” in my stomach is a very nice way to describe an upset stomach brought on by my nerves. During especially anxious periods, I have sharp pains in my stomach that result in indigestion or diarrhea. Nothing feels good to eat. My appetite is ruined. The hunger that results from a low appetite becomes a vicious cycle of feeling anxiety due to being physically hungry.

Neck and Shoulder Pain

For as long as I can remember, I have been tense in my neck and shoulders. I find myself clenching when I am anxious and slouching in order to minimize my body when I feel depressed. This pain contributes to the constant and general discomfort I feel on a daily basis.

Rapid Heartbeat and Shortness of Breath

Panic attacks really showcase this very physical symptom. I have confused panic attack symptoms for an actual heart attack. I still remember the first time I really experienced being unable to take a deep breath. It has been a long time since I have experienced a panic attack, but the aftermath of a panic attack brings on many of the above symptoms as well.

If you are also struggling to find the reason for your very real and very physical symptoms, discuss exploring mental health issues with a physician and mental health professional.

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Secretly Self-Destructive Behaviors

Trigger Warning: Discussion of disordered eating, body image, and suicidal ideations.

I have been taking a look at some of the behaviors that aren’t the most adaptive when it comes to my mental health. Over the years, I’ve developed a lot of habits that seem to be comforting and acts of self-care on the outside, but actually tore me apart on the inside.

The “Treat Yourself” Mentality – Sometimes, it really is necessary to treat yourself after a hard day. My therapist and I used to discuss promising myself a “treat” after a particularly hard therapy session. However, my “treat yourself” mentality became maladaptive when my moods dipped to an all-time low. Like many people, I would treat myself to an unhealthy or large meal in order to get a small boost of serotonin. This always came at the price of immense guilt and physical discomfort from stuffing myself full of food. It eventually morphed into full-on binge eating and regular purging. I would justify ordering a large meal by telling myself that the day was hard, and that I “need” the food. I would eat until I was uncomfortably full. The discomfort and guilt would be so great that purging would seem like the only solution. Except it’s not and it only served to make me feel worse. What started as simple self-care turned into disordered eating and severe body image issues.

Over-Exercising – Before the pandemic, I turned into a bit of a gym rat. I actually have had a few cycles of extreme fitness obsession that eventually leave me burnt out and in a state of fitness apathy. The hardest part of exercising is doing it regularly. It usually takes about 3 weeks to create a good habit. Upon reflection on my emotional past, I have noticed that my obsession with the gym or fitness almost always coincided with particularly traumatic events. It became an escape. For two or three hours a day, I get to disappear into the anonymity of the gym, the yoga studio, or the fitness class. I got to not speak to anyone (if I didn’t want to) and all I needed to focus on was surviving the workout. The serotonin boost afterward was always phenomenal. The tingly burn in my muscles helped me get to sleep. What could go wrong? So much. My obsession with exercise pre-pandemic had me at the gym 6 or 7 days a week. No rest… dumb, I know. I would make conscious efforts on weekends or even weekdays to give myself a break day. The stillness meant that I would, inevitably, need to face my demons. During these times of extreme anxiety and uncertainty, I always opted for disappearing into the gym instead. Eventually, I started to not perform as well physically. I couldn’t wind down at night and experienced severe insomnia. My body was often in immense physical pain due to not resting my muscles. I was miserable, but I couldn’t stop because it had become so instinctual to go do something at the gym when I wasn’t doing well emotionally. That’s called avoidance.

Filling up my social calendar – I’ve always been a bit of an introvert. I find that when I am at an emotional low, I tend to fill up my social calendar so that I don’t have time to feel. While being sociable does give me a bit of a serotonin boost, it wears me out. Putting on a positive face for extended periods of time can be detrimental. Sometimes, I get so used to being in front of others that I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m alone. Alone time is good. Embrace it.

Not saying ‘no.’ – As a recovering people pleaser, it’s often really difficult to say no. In order to avoid the discomfort of saying no to someone, I’ll take on the discomfort of saying yes. Saying yes despite your own needs can breed resentment. You’re teaching yourself that you are not as much of a priority as others.

These habits or behaviors may have come about in order to adapt to difficult times, but have led to some seriously self-destructive cycles.

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You Don’t Need To Be Better

During the first few days of a new year, I have been seeing so many “motivational posts” on how to “elevate” yourself in this new year. “Falling back” or “regression” is frowned upon in today’s culture of toxic positivity. “Good vibes only” going into 2022. All of these messages can be so harmful for those suffering from mental health issues or loss. The expectation to “grow” and “improve” your experience with mental health can be crushing. For those that are dealing with grief, the pressure to “move on” and “get over it” can feel so invalidating. I have seen so many people that I know experience one of the toughest years of their lives. If you are someone that is struggling… remember that you are allowed to take up the space and time that you need to process your emotions.

When I met my current partner, I was stepping into a phase in my life where I could recognize that I had made a lot of progress. In the last year, I have accomplished so much and my partner reminds me of how much I’ve grown regularly. Even so, I still feel an immense amount of pressure to become better.

On New Year’s Eve, my partner and I were having a late night heart-to-heart. He reminded me that he was so proud of me for overcoming so much and living so fully. It felt good to be recognized, but I immediately began putting myself down. “Well, yeah, but I still wake up feeling down often. I sometimes still wish I didn’t exist. I still find myself crying in the shower after a tough day. Many of these mornings have been spent dreading work and the day to come. I just need to keep becoming better. I need to get better.” My partner simply looked at me and said, “You don’t need to be better. You are already great. Your biggest problem isn’t that you are depressed or have anxiety. That is fine and just a part of your life experience. What is a problem is that you don’t recognize that you are amazing. You are everything you need to be for yourself.” I did not realize how much I needed to hear that.

Of course, it’s important to address and work on mental health issues. Healing is a work in progress that doesn’t always happen in a linear fashion. It’s ok to slow down and it’s ok to “regress” a bit. The most important thing is to recognize that you are enough. I am not sure where I’ve heard this, but: “You are somebody else’s goals.” The life you’re living, your personality, and your achievements are somebody else’s dream life. Try to look at yourself through the eyes of someone that looks up to you. You don’t need to be better.

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Goodbye 2021 – What a Year

Here we are! The last post of 2021. I can barely recognize the person I was when I wrote Goodbye 2020 – Please be nice 2021, and it really is a good thing! This year has been all about personal growth, fostering healthy habits, and continuing to apply the things that I have learned in therapy.

Things I Quit in 2021

  1. I quit therapy. I mean, I didn’t quit therapy because I thought it wasn’t working. I ended my regular therapy sessions because my therapist and I had reached a point in my journey where there wasn’t much I was actually working through in the sessions. The intention I had with therapy was that I would no longer need it to function. I realized that I was automatically using the skills that I learned in therapy and I was just reiterating things that happened in my sessions. It was bittersweet, because I did feel like my sessions were so productive. Now, I have skills that I can take with me. Who knows? Maybe one day I’ll find myself in therapy again.
  2. Letting my job kill my joy. In my previous job, it was extremely hard to escape the soul crushing effects of my job. Even on weekends or days off, it was incredibly difficult for me to step away from my job and all of its draining effects. This year, I have put in hard boundaries for how I spend my time outside of work. I fill my personal time with joy and activities I enjoy. I fill the time with people that I love. I do not allow any of my work to spill into my space at home.
  3. Relationship anxiety. I have a severe case of relationship anxiety that has been much more prevalent in my life in previous years. This year has been noticeably different. I am not overextending myself in my relationships. Whether it be romantic or platonic, I am no longer allowing my relationships with others dictate how I treat myself. For instance, if a phone call to my partner doesn’t go through, I no longer allow my brain to spend time exploring the worst-case scenario. I am able to take a step back and rationalize the “what ifs” without allowing it to consume me.

Things I Gained in 2021

  1. A better understanding of what I need in my work/life balance. I began working in Korea in 2014, and have only worked for two different companies. In the past, this would have been normal. People used to get a job and stick with it for decades. However, in the ESL industry with foreign workers, this is never the case. The fact that I spent so many years at one job is a bit of an anomaly considering that the working conditions are not what I need in my life. With my current job, I got a little taste of a better work life balance. While it isn’t perfect, I now know what I’m looking for in an ideal position. I’m learning what is possible out here and not settling for less.
  2. A fun, new scar on my hand. This past summer was a summer of injuries. At the beginning of the summer, I had a bad sprain in my ankle that resulted in me wearing a boot for 3 weeks. Within a week, I was back in another cast on my hand. My cat, Butterscotch, was going through a lot of anxiety associated with our new house. For the first time in his life, he was able to clearly hear the street cats outside the window. He was on edge and began peeing and occasionally vomiting on my bed. One fateful night, he had made a mess in my bed. I needed to get the sheets and blankets off of the bed and bring them to the laundromat. I startled him as I attempted to pick him up to remove him from the bed. He left a very, very deep gash on the top of my hand and puncture wounds on my index finger that were extremely deep. When I went to the hospital, the doctor informed me that he very nearly sliced some of my tendons, which would have resulted in impairment in my hand. I came out of it with 15 stitches and an index finger that remained numb for months after the injury. Yes, I still love my cat.
  3. A deep appreciation for good health When I received my second dose of the Pfizer vaccine, I also had a UTI. I know that the combination of having a weakened body after the vaccine made the UTI flare up horribly. I have never been in that much pain in my life. I didn’t feel quit the same for several weeks after this. Then, both October and November, my dog, Dobby, experienced back issues that were caused by herniated disc that eventually ruptured. She underwent major surgery to remove the disc material from her spinal cord and spent several weeks paralyzed from the lower back to hind limbs. Then, a few weeks ago, I wrapped up the year with a mumps scare. I had swollen parotid glands that were cause for concern. The doctor swabbed me and on suspicion of having mumps. I was miserably sick and quarantined in my home until the results of the mumps swab came back. Luckily, I was clear! But I definitely have a deep appreciation for the days when my body is feeling well.

I, for once, have high hopes for 2022. There is so much that I have planned and hope to be able to follow through on next year. I can’t wait to update about new journeys and life.

2021 felt like an extension of the shitshow that was 2020. The pandemic is still no where near the end. I still haven’t seen my family in a long while. I am still trying to navigate life. For those that have been following along, thank you so much for reading. I’m hoping that 2022 will see as much consistent activity as I have been able to produce lately.

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How Empathy Hurts

This past week has been a very introspective week for me. I’ve spent a lot of time alone and thinking about my past. For whatever reason, I decided it was time for me to clean up my social media feeds a bit. This sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole of memories. As I scrolled past each name, I was reminded of a connection (or lack thereof) that we had upon making this digital connection. Some of them stung a bit, and I realized it was time that I let go of the connections that no longer served me.

This process got me thinking: What about the friendships that I had that were once really close? What did I do to cause the dissolution of this relationship? Why does it still hurt?

When I was in middle school and high school, I had a best girl friend. I confided in her with everything. We did so much together, and we found that we had a lot in common. When I reminisce about this relationship, I glaze over a lot of the toxicity and the discomfort that I felt while in this friendship. I felt so much pressure to be a supportive friend while experiencing so much frustration at how my needs weren’t being met in this friendship. Of course, teenage me did not realize that these frustrations should have been communicated directly with her. The most important thing for me was to not ever cause emotional distress to my friend, because I didn’t want to feel that distress through her. This twisted thought is led by empathy. In the end, our friendship exploded spectacularly in the most dramatic fashion. We haven’t spoken in 11 years, and we never will again.

I am an empathetic person, and I take on so much emotion in my relationships and friendships. I do this automatically. Some would say I do it voluntarily, but there are times when I “over-feel.” This is, by no means, a technical term. When I say “over-feel,” I really mean that I overthink the possible emotional reactions to my actions or words. It spins out of control, even when my mind is pleading for it to stop. I actively avoided conflict by bottling misgivings and my feelings in order to “shield” people from discomfort. I was taught that caring for other people’s feelings is the most important thing. Doing so made me a “good person.” But there was an overwhelming amount of angst and guilt that was generally looming around the person I was trying to shield. I didn’t understand this then as I do now, but I was hurting this person by shielding them. I think this was the biggest reason why our friendship ended so dramatically and so suddenly. I let too much boil up inside, I let it out inappropriately, and it hurt my friend.

The second part of how empathy hurts is that I tend to think about the situation in their perspective. Let’s take the above description of my part in the unraveling of a friendship early in my adult life. Due to empathy, I am constantly trying to live in the “what if” of being in the other person’s shoes. For years after the dissolution of my friendship, I would think of myself in the worst way possible. I saw myself as an insincere friend that I couldn’t trust, just as she had described me in our last conversation. This perception I had of myself hurt.

As I have been thinking about this ancient event over the last week, I realized that empathy and a lack of boundaries and self-love is what leads me into toxic friendships. I cannot discount the fact that our friendship, over the years that it lasted, was toxic. Toxic friendships are rarely one sided, and while my former friend may have leaned into my willingness to please and keep peace and crossed boundaries, I definitely did not respect myself enough to formally put up boundaries. My desire to alleviate every friend from discomfort or emotional distress was innately selfish. I didn’t realize it then, but I realize it now. I know that the reason why I did not wish emotional distress upon my friends was because, as an empath, I knew I would experience a piece of that distress myself.

My fellow empaths, remember that our ability to be empathetic is an asset only if we do not sacrifice our emotional wellbeing for it. The reason why you’re feeling uncomfortable with a relationship or situation is likely because you know that the other person is pushing your boundaries that you have not formally set. Remember, it is your responsibility to set those boundaries, but whether or not they react well or accept those boundaries aren’t your responsibility.

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The Challenges of Living Abroad

I am currently living abroad and have been for nearly three consecutive years. My home country is the United States, and I have only been back for one visit in 2019. I started my journey in South Korea in 2014 and have been back and forth several times since then.

I have struggled with mental health for as long as I can remember. However, I mostly “had it under control” until mid-2019. I now know that I probably didn’t have it under control at all, but 2019 was a bursting point for me. I had neglected my needs for long enough, and it was time to pay.

I remember after having a particularly bad breakdown, a trusted superior of mine asked me if I would be better off back home in the United States. After all, mental health care was more “widely accepted” there and a bit less stigmatized. I truly weighed the pros and cons, and decided, in the end, that I wouldn’t be happy even if I changed my environment. While the environment was a huge stressor in my life, I knew that the stress of uprooting myself again would make things worse.

One of the biggest stressors in living abroad is the feeling that you lack competency. Especially here in South Korea, it can be difficult to be a fully functioning human when you do not speak the local language. I have made many efforts to study and expand my language skills, but no amount of it seems to be enough for me to navigate healthcare or veterinary care. A sense of uselessness washes over me as I struggle to communicate my needs to doctors and veterinarians when my animals or I get sick. It can really chip away at one’s sense of self worth. As time has gone on, I have managed to find ways to fight this. I have formed a small network of trusted care providers and professionals that are able to communicate with me and work with me through issues. Getting to a point where I can bravely enter a new facility and get the help I need has helped boost my confidence tremendously.

I have also formed amazing friendships and bonds during my time abroad. It’s been so empowering to meet people from all walks of life. The individuals that have withstood the test of time, I know, will be lifelong friends. While saying good-bye to friends as contracts expire has been sad, I am so amazed that some of the people I met back in 2014 are still in contact with me today.

While I have battled loneliness throughout my time here, I have also gained independence that I never knew was possible. Before coming to Korea, I had severe social anxiety that kept me from doing many things alone. I always needed a trusted individual with me when I was out in public. I rarely spent any time alone in my home. Living in Korea forced me to get acquainted with my own company. It forced me to learn how to live with myself and to keep myself entertained. It wasn’t easy at first. I filled most of my weekends with activities with coworkers and friends. I was never resting. However, in recent years, restful weekends alone have become a sort of sanctuary when I am socially exhausted.

To all of my fellow nomads, you are so strong and brave for doing what you have done. If you have also struggled with solitude while being far away from your friends and family, know that you will only gain from your experiences here.

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Gratitude – Part Two

Man, I did not intend to have an entire post just about my cat. But I really couldn’t condense how thankful I am for his addition to the fur family.

Like I said in that post, adopting him was the beginning of a lot of really great things.

It wasn’t long after I decided to adopt him that I met my current partner. I had called it quits with my ex 7 months prior, and I was just getting back into the swing of socializing. I have learned so much from my partner about how it feels to not have your relationship as one of your top stressors. Despite a “language barrier” (he is a native Korean), I have never found communicating to be so simple.

I have met a partner that saw me for me and not just a “potential” for who I could be. He accepted me at the state I was in on my mental health journey. He held my hand through the tough bits, and patiently walked with me through it. I am so grateful to have a person that wasn’t pushing me to transform and heal at that moment. He is in this with me and experiencing growth just as I am.

Most importantly, my partner has helped me re-discover fun. Even the most mundane of things is fun when we’re together. Going to Costco, eating burgers at a local burger place, taking the dogs to the cafe, or just hanging out at home doing our own thing while sharing the same space can be fun. I’m looking forward to the time we will have together in the future, however long that may be.

Yes, even that time my cat almost severed tendons in my hand became something we laugh about.

This past year, I fell back in love with my job. That isn’t to say that I do not have periods of burn out, but I had spent so much of 2019-2020 completely disassociated from my work. I no longer remembered why I came back to teach in the first place.

I am so thankful to have a job that doesn’t abuse my willingness to help out. While the hours and the work can be tough, I have never really felt like I was nothing but a body. Over the last year, I have had a few situations (see photo above) regarding my physical health that have required understanding and extra care. I was accommodated and cared for during those times, and I am so grateful to have an upper management team that is actually attentive and caring about my wellbeing.

It’s been good to be able to focus on teaching the best that I can without worrying about abusive colleagues. We get in, we teach, we have some fun, and we clock out at the end of the day. This is how a job should be.

This isn’t to say it’s perfect, but it is just what I needed after years of not having the right environment to thrive in.

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