The last few months have flown by and I can’t believe how much summer has already passed. I’m a few days shy of my first ever summer vacation while working in Korea. It’s absolutely wild to think that I had normalized getting 5 working days of vacation + Chuseok + Seollal every year for almost 5 years.
My dear friends and long-time readers probably know that I started a new job in March (well, technically mid-February… but officially I was supposed to start in March). So far, this job has been such a positive change from where I was before. I have established a steady schedule that balances work and life outside of work well. I don’t feel as if my non-work hours are consumed by work drama anymore. This could be due in part to me having an established social life outside of work and there is not nearly as much drama as my previous workplace.
Life’s been treating me well. The battles I have with anxiety and depression are no longer as daunting as they were a year prior. I recognize that I have come such a long way from the place I was in last summer. I barely recognize the person that I was then. Getting to a better mental space has done so much for so many aspects of life. Here are a few that I have noticed drastic differences in.
Sleep has always been difficult for me. With diagnosed insomnia, I used to rely on an Ambien prescription to get me to sleep. In Korea, doctors really do try to shove a pill in every problem. They have a long way to go until they reach effective mental healthcare. However, getting me the Ambien prescription saved my life. I was on it for over a year. With the guidance of my doctor, I no longer take any prescription sleep medication. I will say that the number of hours of sleep has gone down to maybe 5 or 6 hours, but I know the quality of sleep and the way I feel when I wake up are drastically different. I wake up feeling mostly refreshed and like I can tackle a day. Before, on Ambien, I would feel dread and absolutely no energy to get ready or even walk the dogs.
Physical activity has gone way up! There was a period of about 10 months in 2020 where I didn’t track any of my physical activity or wear my Apple watch. Depression is a real bitch and it just makes you stop caring about those basic things that keep you healthy. I started wearing my watch again at the end of 2020 (around November) and have noticed a general upward trend in physical activity. I have been meeting my exercise, movement, step, and stand goals every day. This may not seem very difficult to the disciplined gym goer, and I admit that old me (pre-COVID me) would not have found this impressive. But I’m proud that I’m moving my body enough every day.
My pets also seem happier because I am spending more time being present with them. During the worst of the depression, I would take them on walks where I would be completely detached from what I was doing. I went through the movements, picked up their shit, and came back inside. I can’t say every walk isn’t like that, but I am experiencing so much more awareness while I am outside with the dogs. I have also begun to work in structured play time with the cat!
There are still difficult days and days where I don’t feel like I’m all the way present. I continue to work through those days and I try my best not to believe that little voice in my head telling me all of this work is for nothing.
Turbulent Mind 