Folks, it’s time I talk about toxic positivity and how it’s secretly everywhere.
How can positivity be toxic? Well, the simplified and short answer is that toxic positivity dismisses the very valid mental health struggles that all people go through. It is especially debilitating for people that suffer from mental illness. It shames those that are not feeling 100% OK and pushes the responsibility on them to appear OK for the comfort of others.
We’ve all heard it: “Good vibes only.” The overgeneralized positive state that people are encouraged to adopt regardless of the situation. I think the detriments of toxic positivity really reared its ugly head during 2020. How the hell are you supposed to just be positive through a pandemic that is taking lives and affected every facet of life?
Toxic positivity has driven decade-old friendships of mine to the ground. In fact, I had a friend who was calling to “check up on me” berate me for “not being grateful.” Toxic positivity doesn’t recognize the duality of humans. It doesn’t recognize that a person can be depressed and grateful at the same time. Like, shit, I’m grateful for all of the things I have and the people in my life, but damn do I feel like a sack of steaming hot crap. And that’s the shitty part of toxic positivity. It encourages people to label emotions as “positive” or “negative” rather than allowing people to process and work through them.
That isn’t to say that positivity doesn’t have its merits. It most certainly does! With reason, positivity is able to uplift spirits and bring people just above that drowning point. However, overwhelming and indiscriminate positivity has the effects of shaming and isolating people suffering from mental illness.
To friends and loved ones of people with mental illness, it can be really uncomfortable when someone you love expresses that they’re dealing with difficult emotions. This is where we often lean on “keep your chin up” or “stay positive” to get out of these uncomfortable situations. But if you have the emotional space to listen, you can really make a difference. Some things to do when someone close to you expresses that they are struggling:
- Avoid encouraging them to “just forget about it.” Chances are they’ve tried.
- Being “grateful” won’t magically replace feeling down and it won’t erase the struggle.
- Just lend an ear without judgement or offering unsolicited advice.
- Remind them that it’s OK to not be 100% OK all of the time
To those that struggle with mental illness, what are some things that loved ones have said or done for you that have helped you through a hard time?
Turbulent Mind 