One of the most discouraging things about this whole “recovery” process is how devastating a setback can feel. It can feel like nothing you did up to this point actually mattered. You still just end up back here with the thoughts that swirl around in your head. There could be absolutely no trigger. It could be something as simple as lack of sleep or just being a bit blue about saying good-bye to friends. Yesterday, it was both of those things that led me into some pretty dark territory. When I’m in the middle of a spin-out, my idea of my self worth isn’t very pretty. To be honest, sometimes it’s just my brain telling me things have been a little bit too okay for too long, and it’s about time that it stirs some shit up for me to overthink about.
On days like those, it’s really hard to see that path ahead of you. The path of healing seems to just be one of those track loops and you always end up in that rough spot again and again. Starting to feel hopeless that things never will work out. Or feeling like no matter what I do, I will always have this is one of the many discouraging and distressful thoughts that swirl around in my head during a spin out. Amidst my spin out, I knew that self soothing techniques wouldn’t work, and the longer I wait until I reached out to someone to talk about what’s going on, the deeper I’ll fall. In order to combat spin-outs and getting stuck in a loop, my therapist and I have actually devised a “plan” of sorts to help me sort through those emotions. I’m hoping that this can help someone out there who is also stuck in a negative feedback loop. Here are the steps I take when I feel myself spinning out of control with myself.
- Behavioral Activation – If at all possible, engage in a behavior activating activity. These activities are any activity that can get you closer to feeling a sense of accomplishment by setting and working toward a goal. Sometimes, if I notice the signs that I am falling into a slump or into an overthinking loop, I give myself a task to complete in order to further myself away from the negative feelings of being in the slump and to distract the overthinking. Some tasks include walking my dogs, cleaning, organizing my desk or doing small administrative tasks for work.
- Rationalizing – Often times, anxiety attacks/slumps come about due to a negative perspective or idea of yourself. Rationalizing that it is unrealistic to expect perfection from yourself. Or questioning any intrusive thoughts by asking what solid evidence do I have to support this irrational belief is very helpful in making disruptive thoughts less distressing.
- Grounding Techniques – If the behavioral activation is no longer effective, this usually means that I am at a point where I will not benefit from setting a goal or thinking about “future me” is setting off my panic. Grounding works miraculously in helping calm the physiological sensations of panic and anxiety. Grounding techniques could include deep breathing exercises, body scan meditation, or just checking in with your senses.
- Reach out to a friend – I always put this last, because I am trying to train myself to be self-sufficient. Sometimes things are so messed up and you’re so deep inside the spiral that you need another person to help you. Whether it be to just keep you company, to talk about the issue at hand, or just to get your mind off of things, another person can really help improve the mood.
- Self Care – The feeling of hunger and anxiety are both very similar for me. Realizing that I may be spinning out because it’s my body’s way of telling me that I need to eat or I won’t be well was pretty useful yesterday. I often forget about meals because my depression has made it hard to recognize what is hunger and what is anxiety.
I’m hoping this post can help those that have been trying their best to live the best way they can while dealing with the effects of anxiety and depression. For now, I will celebrate that I got through today despite yesterday being difficult. I got through today and I will continue to make my way through the days. Remember, one of the acts of self-care and behavior activation is to make sure you reward yourself, even if it’s just a little bit, for making it through another day and another struggle.
Turbulent Mind 